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Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Too Much Talking
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school.
Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
"Please let me know if your idea works on Sally.
Because
......
.....
....
...
..
.
I would like to try it out on her mother."
Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
"Please let me know if your idea works on Sally.
Because
......
.....
....
...
..
.
I would like to try it out on her mother."
Tragedy of Love
A boy and a girl were in love. When the girl’s father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future.
The girl’s father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them . At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home thru a local newspaper… Her father said “If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly.” So in this way, their love won and they returned home. The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot… The girl was devastated and lost her senses. Only After sometime that she recovered from her shock..
The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly. Two nights later, the girl’s mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter’s dress as soon as possible.. But her mother ignored the dream. The next night her father had the same dream , he also ignored it. Then the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately. She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream. She again washed the stains but some still remained. But again the next night she had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible would happen.
This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.. She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked on the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.
The old lady woke her up…. and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl. She asked “What is this…?” The old lady replied
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“This is Nirma Washing Powder” “Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye, Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye, sabki pasand nirma Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma..Nirma” 10 ka 1, do pe ek free
I know how you all are feeling now… I have been through this too.
I’m also hunting for the idiot who mailed this to me keep smiling !!!!!!
This is Interesting..!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mind too..!
Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Wanna be a millionaire ?
A Jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
'You are employed' he said. Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.
The man replied 'But I don't have a computer, neither an email'.
'I'm sorry', said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.'
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.
Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email. The man replied,'I don't have an email.' The broker answered curiously, 'You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!'
The man thought for a while and replied, 'Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!'
The man thought for a while and replied, 'Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!'
Moral of the story :
Moral 1 : Internet is not the solution to your life.
Moral 2 : If you don't have Internet, but work hard, you can be a millionaire.
Moral 3 : If you read this message by email or a blog, you are closer to being
an office boy/girl, than a millionaire.
Indian Wedding - An SQL Query
HUSBANDS QUERY
CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage (
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) )
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire'
AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA)
AND Having Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance
FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout
SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker
SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES('BMW')
END
GO
Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;
Why a student fails in examination..?
Typical academic year for a student.
1. Sundays - 52 Sundays in a year. You know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer Holidays - 50 Days. Where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.
3. Daily Sleep (8 Hours) - 130 Days.
Days left 141.
4. Daily Playing (1 Hour) - 15 Days (Good for Health).
Days left 126.
5. For Food (2 Hours) - 30 Days. Other delicacies (chew properly & eat).
Days left 96.
6. For Talking (1 Hour) - 15 Days. (Man is a social animal).
Days left 81.
7. Exam Days - At least 35 Days per Year.
Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half Yearly and Festival Holidays - 40 Days.
Balance 6 days.
9. For Sickness atleast 3 days.
Remaining days 3.
10. Movies and Functions atleast 2 days.
1 day left.
11. That 1 day is Your Birthday. "How can you study at that day..?"
Balance days 0..!
It's not the fault of the student if he fails..!
Corporate Life
There are 2 people always next to you:
1. The M (Manager), giving a pleasant smile every time he sees you.
2. The TL (Team Leader), busy in scheduling work for you.. And busy in his world
And In between its YOU, who struggles with all the WORK‚??!!
Men VS Women
1) Park the car
2) Go to ATM
3) Insert card
4) Enter PIN
5) Take money
6) Drive away
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How a woman withdraws cash from ATM:
1) Park the car
2) Check makeup
3) Turn off engine
4) Check makeup
5) Go to ATM
6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse.
7) Insert card
8) Hit Cancel
9) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it.
10) Insert card
11) Enter PIN
12) Take cash
13) Go to car
14) Check makeup
15) Start car
16) Stop car
17) Run back to ATM
18) Take ATM card
19) Back to car
20) Check makeup
21) Start car
22) Check makeup
23) Drive for half mile
24) Release handbrake
25) Drive on..
And Finally.,
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Dreamz abt me.
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